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[21 Aug 2006|04:56pm] |
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mood |
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 morose |
] |
" i'm sorry about the phone call and needing you..
some decisions you don't make.
i guess it's like breathing and not wanting to..
there are some things that you can't fake.
i guess that its typical to cling to memories you'll neverget back again..
and to sort through old photographs of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know.
and there, below his frozen face you wrote the name and that ancient date
and you can't believe he is really gone..
when all that's left is a stupid song.
i'm sorry about the phone call and waking you,
i know that its late.
but thank you for talking because i needed to..
some things just can't wait."
-bright eyes
yea boy.....
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[17 Aug 2006|09:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
I thought coming here would not be this bad but things arent looking up.
I miss my friends and my church.
I dont want to do all the stuff that people here do.
I dont want to drink or do drugs or go watch fights.
Its stupid.
Things happen for a reason and i am trying to figure it all out. but God is pretty hard to understand.
I keep thinking in my mind its only 2 years.
I dont expect to find any new best friend or any guys i would want to be with so i guess its just
another thing you have to deal with and learn from.
Oh yea.... and you....
You just basically suck.
You hurt me and i hate myself for trusting you and believing you.
I still believe everything you said, i just dont know why it ended.
I agree that it had to end sometime but i would have appreciated a heads up.
I think about you everyday and im still not over you.
Everything reminds me of you.
I wish you could just tell me how you feel.
or tell me anything.
because i miss you and i have wasted too much time on you.
You picked the worst time ever to do this.
I wish i had never met you, cause then i wouldnt feel this way.
And to my best friends,
I miss you more than the world.
All I wanted to do was collapse in someone's arms and cry today...
but there wasn't anyone there to catch me
-dashboard confessional
its been a hard week, chasing down these miles,
trying desperately.. to find a reason to smile
sorry for the depressing entry, hopefully the next one will be better
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[10 Aug 2006|05:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
I love finding good lyrics.... these are awesome...
I must look just like a fool
Here in the middle of the road
Standin there in your rearview
And gettin soaked to the bone
This land is flat, as it is mean
A man can see for a hundred miles
So I’m still prayin I might see the glow of brake light
But your wheels just turned down the road ahead
If it hurts at all you ain’t showed it yet
I keep lookin for the slightest sign
That you might miss what you left behind
I know there’s nothin stopping you now
But I’d settle for a slow down
I held on longer than I should've
Believin’ you might change your mind
And those bright lights of Hollywood,
Would fade in time
But your wheels just turned down the road ahead
If it hurts at all you ain’t showed it yet
I keep lookin for the slightest sign
That you might miss what you left behind
I know there’s nothin stopping you now
But I’d settle for a slow down
But your wheels just turned down the road ahead
If it hurts at all you ain’t showed it yet
You’re just a tiny dot on that horizon line
C’mon just tap those brakes
Baby, just one time
I know there’s nothin stopping you now
I’m not asking you to turn back around
I’d settle for a slow down
C’mon just slow down
I’d settle for a slow down
IM going to Vestavia tomorrow!!!!! :)
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| sometimes i wish i could press fast forward and see if it all worth it. |
[07 Aug 2006|08:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
I was just like to say something.....
If you have a new student at your school or church or sunday school or whatever.... be reallly nice to them.
Seriously, lately if one new person is nice to me a day, i have had an amazing day.
Fortunately, that has been happening alot. But seriously talk to them and ask them about things cause you dont understand how hard it is for people in high school to do this.
SO.... first day if you see a new girl sitting by herself, think of me and how you wouldnt want me to be treated at Hazel Gay :)
Be kind because everyone you meet is involved in a greater struggle -Plato
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| I Told Myself I Wouldn't Miss You, But I Remembered, What Is Feels Like Beside You |
[02 Aug 2006|04:51pm] |
Soooo....
Tomorrow is the first day of school. and wow.... its crazy how this all happened so fast.
I felt like i left for choir tour yesterday... wow
Alot of stuff has happened and ive learned alot this summer...
-NEVER let go of the people that truly care about you. They are hard to find and can never be replaced.
-In highschool, things happen fast, so learn to enjoy whats going on while its happening. It might not be there for long.
-Teenage girls want to fall for someone. Sometimes it seems like we want to fall for anyone. We will give our hearts away to the first guy who says nice things. Even if they know things arent going to work out, they want to try because they have some hope that maybe things will be different this time.
-When you leave your school, you will only keep up with 97% of the people from there. The 3% are the special ones. Thank God for them everyday.
-Never regret. At one time it was exaclty what you wanted.
-Friends are important, but family are the ones that will go through all the icky stuff with you. They live with you and really know you. No matter how much you hate them and dont want them around, they are your support system
-Forgive. Grudges wont get you anywhere and only weigh you down.
- If you really want to make a conscience effort to have a realtionship(Friendship or Romantic), You have to put work into it
-God knows more than you. He knows what he is doing. Period
-Be yourself around everyone or you will make friends who like you for who you arent.
-If you want to cry, do it. This sunday i cried in the middle of the sermon for no reason. Holding it back just makes it worse.
-You never know the last time you will see someone. Tell them how you feel and you wont ever regret.
-The friends that you know from church will stay with you the longest. Seriously.....God will work through those relationships to bring you closer to them than anyone else
-It's going to be okay. i wrote that over and over on sheets of paper the other day. Its the truth
And the parties that she endures of people that she never really cared about.
Tired of the sunsets and the sunrises, and the people that tell her that tomorrow is a new day.
For in her world, tomorrow is never promised because people never stay around that long
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.-Bright Eyes
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh, you left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes i feel that i'm so lucky
To have had the the chance to love this much
God, give me a moments grace
Cause if i'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
-Leann Rimes
One more day,
One more time,
One more sunset & maybe id be satisfied
But then again, i know what it would do....
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you
-Diamond Rio
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[20 Jul 2006|06:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey
Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:
Opening song: Rest of my Life-Unwritten Law
Waking up: All in All-Lifehouse
Crush: Brightest-Copeland
First date: On a night like This-Dave Barnes
First kiss: True-Ryan Cabrera(yea i know, stupid but its sweet)
Falling in love: Feels Like Home-Randy Newman
Being in Love:When i look to the sky-Train
In a Relationship: Take Care- Copeland
Seeing an old love: One year, 6 months-Yellowcard
Heartbreak: I can't make you love me-Bonnie Raitt
Driving fast: This is Him(Hurricane Song)-Virginia Coalition
Getting ready to go out: Slide-Goo Goo Dolls
Partying with friends: Semi-Charmed Kind of Life-Third Eye Blind
Your Best Friend: The Space Between-DMB(Sally :) )
Walking alone in the rain: Let her Cry-Hootie
Missing someone: Home-Michael Buble & Angel-Pete Schmidt
Playing in the ocean: The Tide- The Spill Canvas
Summer vacation: Island in the Sun-Weezer
Fighting with someone: Not Ready to Make Nice-Dixie Chicks
Thinking back: Best I'll ever Be-Sister Hazel
Feeling depressed: Life Aint Always Beautiful-Gary Allen
Christmas time: Better Days-Goo Goo Dolls
Falling asleep: Let that be enough-Switchfoot & Jars of Clay
Closing song: Sooner or Later-Michael Tolcher
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[14 Jul 2006|08:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
Moving sucks. Period.
No ifs, ands, or buts, about it.
I new it was going to set in about this time.
I growing apart from friends, having to paint on a smile for people i dont know when i feel like crap.
Moving sucks. Period
Of course, 2 days before i leave Vestavia i find an amazing guy who i really like that likes me just as much.
Besides being perfect, he truly cares about me.
I saw him for the last time today and i cried and it was extremly depressing.
God works in mysterious ways so i am going to trust him.
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know
And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well, I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
I got to go home
Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I'm living someone elses life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It'll all be alright
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home
You were just the perfect person at the worst time...
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[08 Jun 2006|09:39pm] |
So wow.....
Its finally here.... i am moving in 2 days and i dont know what im am going to do.
It still hasnt fully sunken in with me about this.
Its such a huge thing and i blow it off as just another tlittle thing that happened in my life.
I guess its just that i try to be so optimistic and so positive and i have gotten so used to not caring about it that now i have taken it lightly and its finally here.
There are so many things that i would love to say to people.
I cant say those all now so maybe when im bored in HG i wil make out a list of all the amazing people i know.
I will tell you this.... God the most amazing people in my life. i wouldnt be who i am without them. They have made me who i am today and i could not be more content with myself. Thanks to all of you..... i really really appreciate it. You sholdnt be getting me gifts i should be giving you gifts.
Tonight was the last time i will see Brittany in a long time.
(more like 2 weeks cause she will come up and see me.... im positive)
I am so bad at goodbyes that it sort of sucked because i coudlnt be my goofy awkward self.
She knows she is fracking amazing and my best friend so i dont need to.
Hating to use Laguna Beach here but like they said....
"Its the end of the begininng"
And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
-the fray
i hate to admit it but in 10 years my best friends at the moment might not remember me.... its sort of inevitable with this kind of stuff
but for the times we have had... i will try my hardest to remmeber them as long as i can.
i love you all and i dont know when i will see you next but thanks for everything
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[22 May 2006|02:24pm] |
Life's natural highs:
Falling in love.
Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
Lying in bed listening to the rain.
Laughing so hard your stomach hurts.
Long conversations late at night.
Running through the sprinklers.
Being called beautiful.
Friends.
Waking up and realizing you still have a few more hours left to sleep.
First kisses.
Making new friends.
Spending time with old friends.
Sweet dreams.
Holding hands.
Watching the sun set.
Knowing that somebody misses you.
Getting a hug from someone you care about.
Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
Walking in the rain.
Having someone tell you they love you.
Saying I love you.
Cuddling.
Old pictures.
Memories.
Turning up the music so loud you can't hear yourself scream.
Smiles.
you hear that kids... natural highs
That goes out to a few special people.
annnnnd Britt is amazing.
and no i didnt go to Alaska, re re.
thank you and good bye
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[12 Apr 2006|09:40pm] |
| [ |
music |
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madisons corrupted rap |
] |
Wellll things have been going really well.
our last tournament is this weekend....:) then i will have a life haha. score.
ON SUNDAY I CAN EAT FRIED FOODS!! heck yes!!
Next weekend is Latin Convention and Six Flags.
o yea... im pumped.
Life can seem so bad in yoru head till you sit back and take a look at things.
Gos is in control of everything, and even though this was a terrible thing when it happened. it has worked out for the best.
He is amazing.... just wow.
The next 3 monthes are going to be the best of my life... exams included haha
this entry goes out to freaking MADISON MARIE. cause she is amazing and has been my friend since homeroom in 6th grade!! i love her!
she is a hottie... i know. thats why i love her
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[05 Mar 2006|09:34pm] |
theres always that one guy for every girl
that makes her get out of bed and put on the cutest clothes
what she doesnt know is, he doesnt care
he doesnt care what she looks like cause
secretly he loves her for everything she is <3
cute huh?
yea life is pretty good.
crushes suck but what else is new.
i wont be home the next 2 weekends but soon ill be at the beach.... yessss.
ok update later.
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[26 Feb 2006|09:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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amazing love |
] |
Well this weekend was so good in Gatlinburg.I found out AGAIN how much i really love all of those people.
first of all, our van was amazing. The first night we had such amazing talks on stuff and i love all of them.
Me, sal, momo and kristi had a room and it was ghetto haha with the love stains and brown water and crazy messed up sinks with no faucet. haha
So then our speaker is really ADD and it was hard to follow but he drew amazing pictures.
free time with our group was so fun. again, i love them so much.
sally danced on a guy, i got tons of BOOBEES, BOOTEES and WHALE TAILS , and ate alot. it was good.
then on the way home we had good talks about relationships and stuff so that was fun. Hoss van is amazing!
This moving thing gets in my head every 5 seconds and i get upset. i almost wish i didnt know.
i cried 2 times. WOW i kno.....
Then we talk about relationships and i think what kind of long term relationship would be good when im gone in 3 monthes?? blah
again, im gonna be optimistic and say we wil stay in a apartment here. fingers crossed.
sooo, i was doing so good on my own not thinking about guys and tonight he come back and tells me that he wants to hang out and thinks
about me all the time. BLAH you can play with me like that! Thats just like you to come back when i finally moved on.
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken.
I'm accepted, you were condemed
I'm alive and well your spirit is within me
because you died and rose again
amazing love how can it be?
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[12 Feb 2006|08:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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hold on |
] |
Well... so i dont have too much to say but i didnt feel like looking at a depressing entry everytime i check my journal soo yeah.
Friday was Winter Jam and it was so awesome and i love my girls that went.
Saturday got up early to play at our tourny at UAB and we went undefeated.
Today we played okay and got second.
I played my old team today. i love those girls and miss my old family :(
Well its a 4 day week and that awesome.
God works in mysterious ways and dont even try to understand them.
I dont know how to feel about the whole situation... angry, sad, hopeful, optimistic.
im more optimistic than i should be sometimes.... but i dunno.
So won't You now
Hold on to me, hold on
Hold on to me, yeah
Please don't let me go no, no, hold on
'Cause I am prone to wonder
Prone to leave this faith I know
Hold on
some pictures to make this a little happier....
( if you are missing, i will run away becasue i find myself in you )
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[06 Feb 2006|10:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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let her cry |
] |
wow.
the next 2 or 3 monthes are going to be... rough. Alot of things are going to change.
HAVE FAITH. Some things fall apart so other cans come together.
Break down and cry.
its okay no one cares tonight.
I dont think i ever told you,
but i know you always did your best.
And the hard times,
they only make us stronger.
-the ataris
...just let her cry
if the tears fall down like rain
let her sing
if it eases all her pain
let her go
let her walk right out on me
and if the sun comes up tomorrow,
let her be
oh, let her be
- hootie
..... and this lump in my throat isn't going away anytime soon
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[01 Feb 2006|08:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giddy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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stuuffff |
] |
well life is going just plain amazing.
Seriously, i can not think of a time when i have been better.
I think i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be in my life and with the people around me.
I used to have needs for so many meaningless things but finally in CONTENT!
I really really dont need a guy.
I used to think i did but i really don't.
It's GLORIOUS!!
Church tonight was soooo good.
Just.....wow. Best music in a long time.
I'm in the moment
The one where nothing matters
And everything's alright
I'm seeing things so clearly now
And you're the reason why
I'm in the moment
And I'm alive
I'm alive
oooo yea... and there is someone with a birthday today. and its for sure ms. brittany richardson... woop woop
Well i was thinking about it today and i was like wow Brittany is 16. and its not like you are a whole lot different today then you were yesterday, you have just grown up so much in the past year and it amazes me. Thanks for everything. i really appreciate it
( ....and by friends, i mean someone whose lives have become so wrapped up in yours that it doesn't matter what you do ; they'll just always be there )
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| How great is our God |
[17 Jan 2006|10:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
Today, 1st period.
We are sitting around talking about one of our classmates who isnt
there who is having alot of family problems and going through a tough
time. It was really sad hearing what he was going through and then
someone said
"hey guys, we are going to pray for him"
so we all bow our heads and have a prayer for him.
No one cared if we were getting in trouble.
No one cared if it was going to make people uncomfortable.
and THAT my friends is how great our God is.
Yea, what now school system??
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[16 Jan 2006|06:53pm] |
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well it was certainly a crappy weekend to say the least.
friday i went to melissas and we all watched a movie and hung out and stuff then on saturday i slept for 10 hours. Then on sunday i went to church from 8 to 1 and then slept for 18 hours until i woke up this morning . Mom wanted to send me to the doctor cause she thinks something is wrong with me. i mean 18 hours? wow. thats a little ridiculous. so then i went to panera for a brunch with my mom then i had an appointment at n'vogue at 1245 then went shopping till 3 with her.
Im at a really Blah place with all of my best friends. a few monthes ago it was only one friend but now it all of them. i dunno maybe i have changed a whole lot but if i did...... i dunno what to tell you.
Soooo thank the Lord its a 4 day week. I have projects in 2 of my classes that i dont know how to finish but it will happen somehow. Then it will be one of my last weekends of freedom that i am gonna need to live up so it will last.
( ..and if you see me walking with someone else, its not because i want to be with them, its because you arent there to walk beside me )
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[12 Jan 2006|06:32am] |
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Have faith. Some things fall apart so other things can come together.
"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34
trust in the Lord with all your heart,
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.
-Proverbs 3:5-6
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[11 Jan 2006|07:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
optimistic |
] |
Tonight was very emotional to hear that Sarah is leaving.
It is very tough having a long string of youth leaders with a solid permanent person you know will always be there.
It was really emotional hearing what is going to happen.
Everyone was crying and its definitely very hard to say goodbye to people
(which is something i am terrible at. actually the first thing that came out of my mouth was"i'm sorry i was a brat on ski trip." ??? yea i dont know why)
I'm SOOO glad we had Sarah in our lives. I cant even tell you how much more serious i have gotten about worship. We have all grown so much spiritually. I can hear it when we sing, and can see it when we are talking all together. Sarah taught us so much these past 2 years. I'm so thankful for her.
It really sucks that she is leaving.
But lets all remember that we will ALWAYS have what she taught us.
As we grow we will take what we learned and apply them more times than we know.
We are going to stay a youth group and have Eric leading us.
He is going to do amazing things for us too! and so will any youth directors after him.
Its okay to be sad, but remember, that we have been taught so much now, that our faith can only grow stronger through this change.
I love all of yall so much and
just use these next 2 weeks to go stop in
to tell Sarah how much you appreciate her.
2 of the most best and most appropriate songs i know.....
If you Want me To:
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone (yeah oh oh)
Jesus take the Wheel:
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air
[Chorus:]
Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
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clairestew's journal
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